I have opted to remain anonymous to shield my identity from the ridicule. The previous night, I became hungry and chose to make some ramen. I removed the various packets from the bowl, added the spice mix and vegetables, then put the bowl in the microwave. After about a sixty seconds or two, I understood something was wrong. A terrible burning smell had filled my kitchen. I unlatched the door to my microwave and…low and behold…I had failed to put in water. There was some smoke coming from the bowl. Not wanting to throw away the ramen, I went to the sink and put in water, which engulfed the room with acrid smoke for several seconds. I then placed the bowl once more in the microwave and cooked it for two more minutes before attempting to eat it. Well…It went okay for a little while, until I encountered a clump of blackened noodles which had transformed into some sort of peculiar crystalline substance yet seen in nature by humankind. I had a change of heart.